How to do baby sleep when you've made the decision to wean from the breast?

This article assumes that you've received accurate information as you make the decision to wean your baby from the breast. For example, excessive night waking doesn't result from frequent and flexible breastfeeds, but from disruption to your baby's body clock. If your baby is waking excessively, a body clock reset is required.

What is the kindest way to wean your breastfed baby?

Your baby is in the first months of life

Usually parents begin to use bottles of formula when they've made the decision that they need to wean a young baby from the breast. That means the transition for baby is from breast to bottle, and you might do that gradually, depending on your circumstances, so that your own supply also decreases gradually. It's important to protect your breasts from the engorgement that can come with sudden weaning, and also from mastitis. However, when your breasts run full, they are receiving the message to turn down your milk production, so you'll need to find a balance.

If you have a young baby in the first months of life and are night weaning, but intend to continue to breastfeed during the day, it's likely that your breast milk supply will decrease once you've night weaned from the breast, because at least one breastfeed in the night (and preferably more) is necessary for most women to maintain breast milk supply.

Your baby is six months or older

If you have a baby who is older than six months and taking solids, a decrease in milk production may be less of a concern. Your breast milk supply starts to decrease when your baby begins taking solids, anyway.

Some women say to me that they are worried about night-weaning from the breast because their breastfed baby won't take the bottle. I explain that when you're not there, and your (otherwise healthy) baby is hungry or thirsty enough, she will take a bottle of formula from the carer. This is also true of babies settling into daycare settings. You don't need to make sure that your baby will take a bottle before you leave her. She will adapt to something new when you're not there. Unfortunately, any sense of pressure around offering your baby a bottle can actually backfire and result in a conditioned dialling up with the bottle.

It can help for a breastfeeding mother to disappear for a number of nights, while that other loving parent, perhaps the father, takes over with night feeds, using the bottle. If the little one knows you are in the house, she is likely to reject the bottle and dial up, crying or screaming even harder in the hope you will come and breastfeed her again.

If you are wanting to night wean, you might

• Offer the breast each time your baby wakes, making sure that you keep your baby's two sleep regulators functioning well and in sync with yours, until the appointed night comes when when you are going to wean

• Night wean from the breast all at once, when you are ready, taking care to manage your breasts by hand expression or pumping to comfort, if necessary, so that you don’t develop a breast inflammation (or mastitis).

• Hopefully you have another loving adult in the house who steps in so that you're not involved in caring for your baby in the night for a time. Even if you aren't in the house (for instance, have commenced night shifts of paid work), she is likely to cry for you for a number of nights, until she has become used to the new situation. Your baby's other parent would use both the bottle and sensory motor nourishment (which in the night is cuddling, rocking, singing, walking) to dial your baby down, knowing that it may be a difficult few nights while your baby learns something new

• If you are an autonomous breastfeeding mother, don't feel you have to wean your baby to prepare him for new situations when you won't be around (unless you want to). When you aren't there, he will adapt to taking the bottle from a carer. When you are around, you can breastfeed as much as you want. This won't confuse him, or make him less likely to adapt to the new caregiver, since babies learn very quickly that different things happen in different contexts.

You can find out about making the decision to wean your baby from the breast here.

Even though you're ready to wean, you might still grieve

Even though you've made the decision that you're ready, you might nevertheless grieve as you wean your little one. Although not every woman feels grief (and that's normal too), for many the feelings of grief can be surprisingly intense. This is how life is. Change is often very painful, no matter how ready we are for it. This is another reason to practice deep self-compassion.

Recommended resources

World Health Organisation. Infant and young child feeding fact sheet.

Global Breastfeeding Scorecard 2022. Unicef, Global Breastfeeding Collective, WHO.

Selected references

Veile A, Miller V. Duration of breast feeding in ancestral environments. Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science. https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-19650-3_818: Springer, Cham.; 2021.